Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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