Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
