we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
