census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
