we have officially lost it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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