'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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