i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
