you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
