she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
