Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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