I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
