Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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