I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
