I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
