Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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