Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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