If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
