Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
