So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
