every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize