I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
