We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
