Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
