Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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