I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't deserve a penis
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
