oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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