I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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