sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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