my shit smells like andre
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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