You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
