you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
