small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
