the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
