sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
