a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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