I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
