also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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