why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
