We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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