its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
