Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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