i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
