Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
