I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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