kristin has been a bad kristin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize