So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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