Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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