I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
