I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
