There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
