Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
this hospital has no fireball
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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