Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize