i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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