The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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