it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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