Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
