I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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