thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
pop tarts are not kleenex
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
