somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
