I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
