k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
