She is in my trunk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
