apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
