I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
