Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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