I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
