Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Me too!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You ruined the universe
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
