I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize