you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
