If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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