I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
