What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You made out with two different species that night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
