I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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