Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
