what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have tasted many bathrooms
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
