There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
