It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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