My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
