I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
