there's paper in my vomit.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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