i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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