I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
