i think my tv is drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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