Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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