Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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