Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
