New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
