feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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