I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize