I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
