Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
