I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
false alarm. still invincible.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
