i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I met the friendliest cop last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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