just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize