why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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