He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
