your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
