chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
