We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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