Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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