doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize