We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
