Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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