the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
