'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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