R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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