the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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