This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
