Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize