I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
